AARDVARK: One of the Moravian National Creatures. Word sometimes used as an expletive or general-purpose euphemism. Adopted by the Moravians because of its kindly disposition; " Aardvark never did anyone any harm"

ALBION: Archaic form of Great Britain ; used in the Chronicles because it's a damn sight shorter.

ALLELUIA (DREW): A loud, high and modern piece sung first at Southall Minster during a brief sojourn around 22nd April '89

ALTO- (Auto-) PILOT: Whensoever the ALTO line goes above B, especially when it stays there for protracted periods, the Altos do not seem to respond to manual instructions

BANANAS: Staple diet of Andrew KING, an Organist to the Moravians. See GIBBON and Chronicles Chap XII

BEER: Staple diet of most Moravians. For medicinal purposes it is to be taken at least three times a day in large quantities. Note that the drinking of KEG or pressurised beer means the instant revocation of Moravian citizenship See also GIN

BUSSES: An idee fixe of certain of the Moravians that aIl of the busses of the land should be counted. This has said to derive from a misprint of Revelations XIII v 18 "Let him that hath understanding count the number of the bus" (The "Omnibologist's" Bible pub 1895)

CAMP-BEDS: An early Moravian torture device. Used notably at Cathedral House, Portsmouth, and the Library, Oxford. Used in an attempt to deprive Moravians of sleep to ensure their attendance at morning rehearsals. (Unsuccessful)

CANTORES VAGANTES:The Militant Wing of the Moravian Noise-Abatement Society and well-known typing error.

COAT of ARMS: Consists of a shield supported by a WOMBAT and a GIBBON surmounted by a BEER barrel with HOPS. The shield quartered with crossed GIN glasses, divergent SCALES, a rank of ORGAN pipes with a feather duster emergent, and a Moravian Rampant.

DREW (Philip): Elder of the Moravians and said to be responsible for the whole concept of Moravia. Composer of the "Drew Responses" * , "The Two Dales Service","Alleluia","Te Deum". and "Jubilate"

* Not to be confused with the other Drew Responses which are
1 "No it's not, it's YOUR round". and
2 " A pint of Old Dark and Grubby please"

DREW (Marilyn): Elder of the Moravians and Moravian-in-Charge of Dots , Chancellor of the Moravian Exchequer, and Moravian Trade Attache.

DENNIS: Sustainer of the Moravians. Able to spot a culinary bargain at two miles and some-one trying to obtain an early second helping at three. Has been known to wear pink socks.

DURHAM: A city in the North of ALBION from which the Moravian tribe did emerge See Chronicles Chap 1 and WOMBAT

DROUGHT: On more than one occasion. Moravians have visited drought-stricken areas, started to sing, and brought the drought to an end This phenomenon has been likened to a celestial bucket of cold water being thrown over earthbound felines. It is rumoured that a generous donation is received each year from the Test and County Cricket Board.

DOCTORS: Moravian Doctors are hard to spot for most of the time, but during services they may be identified by their bright, nay gaudy, gowns and/or headphones. Cries of "Let me through, I'm a doctor", should be ignored unless it's THEIR round and they are going TOWARDS the bar.

ELDERS: Elders of the Moravians are Catalogued in Chapter 1 of the Chronicles and are basically to blame for all of these writings

GIBBON: One ofthe Moravian National Creatures. Supporter of the Moravian Coat of Arms. To be confused with Orlando Gibbons as much as possible. Name given to Andrew KING due to his liking of BANANAS. Subject of many Moravian puns e g "Gibbon half a chance", "Gibbon take"

GIN: Moravian cure-all. Note that Moravian spirit measures, like those on the Channel ferries, are double the normal at one third of a gill (see Coat of Arms)

HANDBAGS: Moravian Handbags are made from the outer skin of the Moravian Ground-Parrot (Poly-vinyI-floortile). They consist of a pouch - like artefact in which "music" is carried. "Pencils" are tied to the Handbags and, when new, the pencil dangling on the end of the string. enables the Moravians to keep the correct gaps while processing

HANGING DOTS: The only form of Capital punishment in Moravia. Imported (some say) from the Moravian hinterland of Hampshire. Note that attempts to hang dots in more modern pieces (e.g. Kelly) can cause irreparable (even by GIN and/or BEER) damage to the vocal chords and the brain.

HIGHLY GHISTE: The Moravian Embassy in Portsmouth and home of the DREWs. Sometimes confused with"Holy Ghost" by non Moravian speakers.

HOP: Moravian National Flower. Chosen because it's a lot easier to spell than edelweiss or chrysanthemum. An important ingredient of BEER

-ISH: A qualifier used (often after a slight pause) in Moravian rehearsals e g "Well, that was pretty well spot on -ish". A Moravian measure of pitch, equal to about one-eighth of a semitone

ISLE OF WIGHT FERRY: A substitute for a precentor, used during a service at St Thomas' Portsmouth. Care should be taken when using one that a real precentor is not present, or confusion as to the correct intonation may result. If the FERRY is moving at an appreciable speed, the frequency shift due to the Doppler Effect (plus or minus fifteen -lSH) may also cause confusion.

JOKES: The traditional Moravian Joke can be one of two types -

1 One that everyone knows (and joins in with) or
2 one that nobody understands and which has to explained at length

KING (Andrew): Tinkler of the ivories, wearer of the Doctor Martins, ingestor of the yellow fruit.

LICHFIELD: In 1983, the Moravian's visit to Lichfield was enriched by a LIBRARY private visit to the Library above the Chapter House. The librarian, choosing an Atlas, opened it at random and on the very page was a map of MORAVIA. Luckily , Elders of the Moravians were on hand to explain to him the meaning of the exclamations.

MORAVIA: Hmmmm... Tricky one this. I think that you'd better sit down first. Moravia is many things to many people. If you asked twenty Moravians what Moravia was, you would get twenty-one different answers. Wherever Moravians gather together, there is MORAVIA.
It's a sort of moveable feast (see DENNIS) with en-suite cabaret (see SCALES). Moravians gather at Moravia once or twice a year for their own personal reasons; maybe to praise God, maybe to learn new singing skills, maybe to try out their new compositions on a captive audience (see DREW)
For a really boring FACTUAL history of Moravia, see the early Chapters of the Chronicles. Alternatively, buy Philip Drew some BEER and ask him!

MOTTO: has a double meaning "Here Always we Drink" is the literal translation, but the initials H S B stand for Horndean Special Bitter. (or High Speed Bitter) a particularly likeable BEER brewed by Gales of Horndean in Hampshire. Some of the more fortunate Moravians were brought up on HSB and its stable companions which must prove something.

O.T.T.: (Over the top) A Moravian Impossibility

POINTING: The pointing of the Psalms to be sung during Moravia is invariably wrong to a greater or lesser extent. The corrected versions are dictated (Usually by Philip of the Drews) in the following form -

He sent out his barline arrows dot and barline scattered them,'
He cast forth barline lightnings barline and des barline troyed them

PORTSMOUTH: Major Moravian Resort town (The uncharitable say "LAST resort"). Home of the DREW tribe and several tribes of SAILORS. Divisions caused when St Thomas's named as the Cathedral rather than St Mary's continue to this day. Cathedral noted for its aircraft hanger at the West End. Three books of English Cathedrals agree in their decision not to include it. Portsmouth is also famous for the ancestral home of the DREWs, still inhabited by WILF and EDNA of the DREWS who from time to time rescue the Moravians from the perils of starvation.

PRECENTOR: For full description see Chapt XI of the Chronicles and ISLE of WIGHT FERRY"

RESPONSES: Once a device with which to frighten small children and Deans. Now a standard part of the Cantores Vagantes' repertoire. (Note; it still frightens some Deans. The others let us sing the final "Thanks be to God") see PRECENTOR, DREW , and TASTE (BAD).

SAILORS: Certain Moravians (no names, no pack-drill) have a "Thing" about SAILORS. What this "Thing" is or why they have it I do not know, but have it they certainly do. Call it a predilection, call it a fad, call it an obsession, it even takes their mind off GIN - that narrows it down a bit! Anyway I can't understand this phenomenon and some of my best friends are sai..... Oh what a give-away!

SCALES: Twins. ANThony and ROBert, created by a mischievous God with the sole intent of confusing Moravians. Well God, it worked!

SNORING: Whenever Moravians gather, the Sims/Clark Rule states that there will be at least one snorer in each of the sleeping areas, making inter-area movement to avoid the noise futile. Although ear-plugs seem to be a "must take" item, moving ones bed to a quieter location has been popular lately.
NOTE The Ladies of the Moravians have long since learned to ignore pleas of "Can I sleep here, some-one's snoring in my dorm ? " from the Gentlemen of the Moravians.

STEGGALS: See TASTE (BAD)

TASTE (BAD): Taste, vis-a-vis music is really a matter of taste. However, one evening of a Moravian week is usually designated "Bad Taste Evening" due to the choice (sic) of music for that evening. Favourite competitors for the Bad Taste Stakes include -

1 Anything excessively Victorian.
2 Anything of an overly "Romantic" genre or including too much (any) " slush".
3 Anything overly high in pitch or overly loud for no apparent reason.
4 Anything "modern" i e written after 1650. Dress for the evening imitates its title and consists of overbright ties/shirts (for the Gents) and loud frocks and excessively ornate ear-rings for the Ladies.

TIES:: The choice of tie should match as closely as possible the music being sung (See TASTE (BAD)) e g Black Shirt and White Tie for anything of the Italian School. (but not dark glasses please), floral patterns for Elgar and Stanford. and Brewery emblems for such as DREW, and of course shamrocks for Kelly. NOTE The wearing of a tie with "BRAINS" written thereon does NOT indicate a MENSA member.

TRAlNS: Apart from conveying Moravians to and from Moravia. these devices figure in some Moravians' minds in the same way as BUSSES.

WOMBAT: A Moravian National Animal and, like the Aardvark, a useful euphemism. Originated in the scripts of "I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again" (A popular wireless comedy programme of the 1960s) The fur on the DURHAM hood is said to be that of the WOMBAT.

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